The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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