yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize