Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
