Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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