Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize