i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
