Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
