im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
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