so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
