A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
