omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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