K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
