My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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