Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
