yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
