You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
