Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
