I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
