I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
