I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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