it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
