We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
