This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
