Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
