I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
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I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
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It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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