Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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