I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
