Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i came on her dog
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
