i was born a porn star she said
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
