oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
there is glitter all over my balls
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