wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
