WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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