do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
