never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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