that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
