Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I need mimosas to revive my soul
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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