i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
