So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
My pussy is not your playground.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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