Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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