I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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