Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
