I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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