The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Let's paint friendship bongs
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
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