i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
