Pregnant stripper...not hot.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Randomize
