Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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