PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
