that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
You smell like stripper and shame
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
