can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
