I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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