If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
