How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
