Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
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