I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
