I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
