Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
