Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
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okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
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HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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