Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
