You're my little dorito
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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