It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
