the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I didn't shave. On purpose
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I would ride that face into the sunset
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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