3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
