I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
