does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
