I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
