So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He felt like a one man threesome
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
