In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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