Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
