Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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