Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
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He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
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I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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