Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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