i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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