It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
