If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
