there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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