After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat