I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait