i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
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That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
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Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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