She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
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I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
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so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Is Oprah even human
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England