Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
