my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
