She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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