no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
