im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
