singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
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I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
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I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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