are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
