Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize