So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
