VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
In America we eat man semen.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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