And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
