What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
