we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
